I’m just being unexciting of sorts.
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So the after much soul searching about my life I ended up putting my old depressed martyr victim self away forever this weekend. After years of denial, failure & misery I think I've accepted the chaos & malevolence. The decades + of being in this mindset post my sister getting killed was an extremely tough time. A part of me kinda went back to a ( Read more... )

So I ran into a mother of a close high school friend tonight. I was in such a different place back then & in a totally dark surreal place, but it was at the same time authentic & real. We were at the old school Polish restaurant & she looked good. The place is in the old hood where we both were from the old school Polish neighborhood. It's so much ( Read more... )

So I'm hanging out here at my Local Coffee Shop. Two semi attractive women sit down by me at the table closest & engage in a conversation. They're skinny but not too hot or overpowering. From what I'm getting their in the restaurant service industry & kind of party a bit.

A part of me was fascinated by their "attractive voice" just think a really ( Read more... )

So I'm again at a Starbuks in Canada just hanging out. I like certain items here & I do come over & buy them whenever I can. It gives me something to hold on to that is Canadian.

So basically I have very few in real life friends left. Most of my social integration lately is from work. When work goes bad it makes me sad as I like my co-workers & ( Read more... )

So here I am at a coffee shop just putting myself out in public & it is not a Starbucks. I'm at the orange car coffee company. It's a local place & it had mostly people from around the area although there are people that come from Canada & Buffalo via Yelp.

I'm just hangout in the the back room with a guy I've know for 20+ years, 2 kind of normal ( Read more... )

* I always am going to have existenial issues

* I will never have a fulfilling loving relationship with someone until there is a decisive victory for the battle over me psyche

* Really that is the battle for inner confidence aka  set of you know what

*I am happy in the sense that I've become grateful for me situation as ( Read more... )